Olivia Wells' Blog

What is “it”? Is it the way your hair lies, or the cut of your shirt? Perhaps it’s the perfect silhouette, and the ability to wear a clingy dress without seeming to have a single bump or imperfection.

As a young teenager, I believed that it was all those things and more. I was obsessed with the media’s negative portrayal of how a woman can only have “it” if she adheres to what it is that is expected of her.

I was intelligent, good-natured, the funny and uplifting voice at a table of people groaning, “I can’t be bothered today”, most importantly I was, at least, outwardly confident.

For the six years of my high school career I was very negative about the way I looked, and being less buxom and curvaceous than my classmates was a big issue for me, making me change my outward appearance to reflect the “plain Jane” I felt I was – dressing mainly in baggy clothes that did nothing but emphasise the things I felt were “wrong” with me.

When I left high school, things settled down. I felt able to express myself in a way I hadn’t been able to as a younger teenager. I discovered lingerie, and fabrics, and shapes of clothes which I would never have dared to wear during that more intimidating period of my life.

As I experimented with all these new concepts, I began to understand that there were different styles and fits which emphasised the more feminine aspects of my body that I had failed to recognise in my self-conscious adolescence. Gradually I became more proud of my body as a woman, I began to feel like just maybe I’d got “it”.

One evening, while spending time with some boys I had gone to school with, I asked them,
“What was it about me that meant that nobody ever asked me on dates? Why wasn’t I sexy? Didn’t I have ‘it’?”
They all looked at one another, and collectively confessed to me that they had all had feelings for me at one point or another, but none of them had known how to say as much because they too had felt pressured by society, and their way of fitting in was to go for the stereotypically “sexy” girls whom I had envied and admired.

It was at this point that I realised that maybe “it” wasn’t the thing that I was longing to be.

That evening I went home to experiment again with my new wardrobe, and I found that the way I was viewing myself – dressed in a neatly cut silk shirt perhaps, or a flared skirt – that I felt good about myself. I had inadvertently discovered what my style was.

Upon speaking with my other female friends, I uncovered that I was not the only women in my inner circle to have had issues distinguishing between what made them feel good about themselves and the “it” which we were all striving for.

Since then I have made a conscious effort to encourage each and every woman who tells me that she doesn’t feel good enough because she isn’t this, or she isn’t that, to look beyond that, and to tell me when she feels that she is good enough.

Not everyone is given the opportunity at such a young age to discover their style, some of us go from a uniformed education to a workplace in which we are required to yet again subject to a uniform. We may be well into our adult life before we get to experiment and learn to understand ourselves, our bodies, and our own unique style, but it is never too late to begin to learn about that side of yourself.

Whether you were a young explorer, or an older adventurer, you should never feel obligated to stick to just the one style. It isn’t the same for everyone; one woman may feel a goddess in silk, another in leather – some may dabble in both depending on their mood. Sometimes you cannot express your personal style at a visible level; some of us may work in an office, or on a builders site, in a place where uniform is mandatory, but that isn’t to say that you cannot still feel good about yourself. A pretty lacy bra can fit under overalls just as well as a boring black one.

The fact of the matter is that there is a place where we all feel amazing in our skin without having to adhere to what we feel is expected of us. That is where we should revel in our own femininity.

So if you find yourself feeling a little self-conscious, like you aren’t worth anything, go home and take a good look at your wardrobe. Are you buying things to hide yourself away because you don’t feel you can meet the unreasonable demands of a society obsessed with “perfect”?

Take some time to yourself, and go and buy something which makes you feel like you.

Experiment with colours, materials, fits and shapes – and most importantly, buy some underwear which suits your body, rather than necessarily squeezing yourself in to things that you feel are “sexy”.

Every woman has the right to feel good about themselves, and comfortable in their femininity.

It’s about time that we explored what that means for ourselves.

Tara Moore, Guest Blogger.

As somebody who has been in the lingerie business for over ten years now, Olivia Wells has observed a disconcerting change in women’s breast sizes – even when the rest of their body has been through no notable change!

Just ten years ago the average British bra-size was a modest 34B – now it’s gone up a whole cupsize to 34C. That is just ten years. Most high-street stores are reporting selling more size Ds and up, and have even had to introduce new ranges to cope with the bizarre phenomenon.

There are several current reasons that have been suggested for the strange new trend in growing bra sizes.

(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1350919/Why-ARE-womens-breasts-getting-bigger-The-answers-disturb-.html)

In this article, a representative from Bravissimo (a company specialising in larger bras for our country’s ever-growng need, and who just released the L cup last year) states that they have been contacted by “more than two million women… the vast majority of whom are small in the body and big in the bust” – and that’s just since 1995!

One of the more commonly accepted theories is that simply as obesity in our population is growing, so is the need for larger bras; but would that explain cases like Terri Smith, featured in the above article, who is a 30L, but also a size 10/12?

Another common suggestion which, although being more than plausible, has been overlooked by most scientific investigations is the theory that the hormones that we are receiving through our food supplies are interfering with the natural processes of our body.

Although laws have been put in place to stop the animals that produce our meat being injected with these harmful hormones, it’s still going into their feed!

Chickens in particular are fed extra hormones in their feed, designed to make them grow and reach maturity faster so that they can be sold and harvested for their meat quicker. Even though there’s been no thorough research done on the effects of these hormones on humans, it’s safe to say that a large dose is still present in the meat we are eating.

Would it not make sense that if these chickens are being fed a chemical to speed up their reaching maturity, that it would also have an affect on the people who eat the meat?

It has been speculated that the extra oestrogen found in the meat we’re eating is responsible for onset of early puberty that is now being witnessed in children across the world, and also in our population’s enlarging breasts.

But what does this mean for us, as women?

While the specific causes are still being studied, we know that we’re reaching puberty earlier, our diets have more calories and those improved diets from youth impact growth. We know that we’re being exposed to more hormones and hormone analogues in our foods, in our medicines and even in the plastics that are part of our daily environment. While we can’t insulate ourselves or our daughters from the world completely we can try to take care of ourselves.

When selecting food, we can look for organic produce, or look for labelling that says that the foods are hormone free. There is also a growing movement to urban farming, with ordinary people supplementing their diets with vegetables, poultry and rabbit they raise themselves with better quality nutrition. We can also try to use more glass and less plastics.

In the meantime, we can still celebrate our bodies and be proud of our curves! Finding the right size bras is important both for comfort and health, particularly as they grow larger. There are a growing number of shops that stock larger and newly designed bras specifically to address the different needs of those of us who are more voluptuous than our petite cousins.

In our store alone, designers like Panache, and Lise Charmel, and even Marlies Dekkers create beautiful, well-made bras that’ll make you feel comfortable and sexy – because no matter what your bust size, you can always keep it fabulous.

One of the beautiful black modal lace nightdresses thrown back in the face of the giver

Until I had a lingerie shop of my own I bought into the joke that men buy their wives or girlfriends something black and red and skimpy however the men who have visited over the last decade come in with so much thoughtfulness, they know what styles of bras their significant others like, they know the sizes and the styles of pants that suit them, they recognise quality and want to please. They go to a lot of trouble to find colours as well that will suit their skin tones.

Daughters come in too, sometimes all in a group to buy their mothers some lovely underwear, they also really think about the purchase and often want their mothers to try a younger style or one with colour for a change.

What happens: the present gets flung back in their faces. “I’d never wear that”, “how dare you buy me something like that”. One poor delivery man took ages chosing something for his loved one, when she unwrapped it she just looked at it, flung it down and said “I’m leaving you”.

What is with these women? Where are their manners? We are talking about fine underwear here, well made out of lovely fabrics. Price is not the issue as we try to buy lovely underwear in all prices. I would love to know whether it is underwear and nightwear that elicits this rude and hurtful response rather than slippers or a foot spa?

In my experience men put themselves out a lot, they do not enjoy shopping, the taking time off, trawling through crowds, finding a parking space, they do not do queing and then they buy something they really think will give pleasure and the women totally lose their manners.

I was taught that when someone gives you a gift you should say thank you, after having appreciated it, and if it is clothing it should be tried on and worn with a smile. If men are to be treated in this brutal manner, they will never try again, they will hate the very thought of birthdays, Christmas, Valentines or just gift giving in general.

When a gift is given by family, friends or loved ones perhaps women should look at it with an open mind and think … perhaps a pink bra wouldn’t show under my coloured winter wardrobe, what is wrong with a red bra occasionally under the dreary uniform of slatey colours one sees everywhere on the street. What is wrong with wearing some lacey lingerie for the person who gives it to them, is it such a hardship, from personal experience the rewards are wonderful.

I am based in Whitby in North Yorkshire – perhaps it is just Yorkshire women who behave this way. I don’t know but I think it is a very poor show. Honestly I can say it is only the one percent of men who come in and say, I have to buy something for my wife for Christmas, I don’t care what it is as long as it is a set, bra pants and a suspenderbelt.

I would love to hear your experiences or, from women why they are so angry.

Monroe Navy And White Polka Dot Swimsuit from Panache

This amusing story was sent to me by one of our customers, as we have cup sized swimwear up to a J cup, be assured that this nightmare scenario will not occur at Fishnets Lingerie.

“I have again been through the annual pilgrimage or torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing suit. When I was a child in the 1950’s, the nothing suit for a woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. It was built to hold back and uplift and it did a good job.

Today’s stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice she can either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney’s fantasia – or she can wander around every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of flourescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors know as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark attacks. The reason for this is that any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror – my bosom had disappeared! Eventually I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib. The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups.

The ‘mature woman’ is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump. I realigned my speed hump and lurched towards the mirror to take a full view assessment. The bathing suit fitted alright, but unfortunately, it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of my oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtains, “oh, there you are!” she said, admiring the bathing suit… I replied that I wasn’t so sure and asked what else she had to show me.

I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with a ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan’s Jane pregnant with triplets and having a rough day. I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally I found a suit that fitted… a two piece affaire with a shorts style bottom and a loose blouse type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome?

When I got home I found a label that said, “Material will become transparent in water.”

Seriously though from a retailers point of view selling swimwear is almost as bad a dealing with bridezillas. Because women will be seen semi naked by other women they try on everything in the shop and hate themselves in it all because they focus on all their own bad features which no one else would notice because they are thinking of their own shortcomings.

We try and buy swimwear with shorts, with high leg briefs, with skimpy tie sided bottoms – whatever we have the customer hate it.

Short women have been looking at leggy blonds in 1950’s style bottoms and think they will be instantly transformed into a giraffe by wearing copious shorts, I try to explain that with short legs a tie sided brief gives a leg line up to the armpit – much more flattering. A few get the point but most still think that there is something wrong with the shorts not their choice for their particular shape.

The other scenario which depresses me is the fact that they are going off on a lovely cruise or a holiday to the sun and feel the only safe option is a black bathing suit as it will make them look thinner. Bright colours look so wonderful in strong sunlight and they cheer one up. Is this just the English or do other nationalities carry on in such a way.

When we had a shop in Prague it was bliss, the women from the Czech Republic just seemed to enjoy swimming.

Please let me know your thoughts and do men agonise over what style of shorts to swim in?

The young have been conditioned by advertising into thinking that bras must hide all traces of nipples. They come into the shop and if shown a sheer bra they shudder in horror. For years they have watched advertisers selling leg waxing or anything which requires women to appear in their underwear – all wearing preformed, usually t shirt, bras, which cover up the breast so as not to distract from what they are selling.
Women aged thirty upwards feel that the preformed bras will be too hard and make them look unnatural or too big.

Passion Slave Balconette Bra And Thongboy From Lise Charmel

Chantelle Lingerie Chantilly Lace Preformed Bra With Thong And Suspender

There are merits to both bras. The younger women think that lacy or just sheer bras will let their nipples show through, or will be scratchy, or will be unable to give them support. Bra makers have been extremely clever at cutting two pieces of fine fabric, laying their warps and wefts in a different direction to each other so they are much stronger. Such art goes into making a bra supportive, I am constantly amazed at how much variety can be placed within two wires to obtain a lovely, natural shape under clothes. Often fine lace is lined on the inside with soft netty material to give it extra strength, or there is an extra piece of net on the outer part of the inside of the bra to keep the breasts from pointing away from each other.

The sheer fabrics can move with you whereas the object of the preformed bra is to give support whilst covering less breast. These work well when the wearer wants to sport a low cut dress or shirt, the support is there for the breast without the bra showing. Both can give an excellent shape under clothes and I do feel that both sections of the female market should try the bras they are not used to.

Then there is the question of morality, that very fine line between what is moral to show off and what is not. When getting married the underlying thought used to be that women or girls would look beautiful and virginal in white, dresses were romantic.
Now they are strapless, low backed, low fronted and so clingy that many a bride has had to be married in the buff because even a mole would show through the fabric let alone pants or a garter.

In street wear today girls show off very low necklines, backs, middles and very short skirts but they find a sheer bra is shocking, stockings are shocking. There is little opportunity to wear pretty underwear, petticoats, slips, clothing that is fine and light but which can make your clothes hang better, last longer, crush less. Everything is on show but the nipple.

The bras which have completely sheer cups are known as French bras, naughtier still, akin to French kissing.

In Paris there is a wonderful company called Miss Bellasis who do make the most amusing and finely made nipple tassels and pasties. Not tacky but refreshingly different.

Miss Bellasis Nipple Tassel called Pale Pink Rosalie

Miss Bellasis Pastie Called Mary In Gold With Teal Bows